These are collected for fun by the photographer Martin Trailer, MartinTrailer.com
-Your house moves but your twelve cars don't.
-You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
-You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.
-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
-You burn your yard rather than mow it.
-You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.
-The Salvation Army declines your furniture.
-You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
-You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
-You come back from the dump with more than you took.
- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
- Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
-You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
-You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
- You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
-You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
-You have a rag for a gas cap.
-Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
-You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
-You can spit without opening your mouth.
-You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
-Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
-You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.
-The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
-Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
-You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
-A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements.
-You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
-You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
-You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
-You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table . . . in front of her kids.
-You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
-You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
-Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people."
-You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
-Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey watch this."
-You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
-Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
-Your junior prom had a daycare.
-You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
"Gentlemen start your engines."
-You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
-The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
-You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
-One of your kids was born on a pool table.
-You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
-You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
-You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
-Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
-Your front porch collapses and kills more than five animals.
-At some point in your life you've been too drunk to fish.
-The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the finance committee
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because
none of the members knows how to play one.
2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people ask, when they
learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says,
"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two
women stand up.
4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer
season is recognized as an official church holiday.
5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... a member of the church
requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't
never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)
6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as
the "OK Chorale".
7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... in a congregation of 500
members, there are only ten last names in the church directory.
8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people think "rapture" is
what you get when you lift something too heavy.
9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is a
#2 galvanized " Wheeling " washtub.
10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if . the choir robes were
donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the collection plates
are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy.
12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell you
are called to service by a duck call.
13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the minister and his
wife drive matching pickup trucks.
14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the communion wine is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
15. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... "Thou shall not covet"
applies to huntin' dogs, too.
16. You know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear".
God Bless and don't fergit ta say yer prayers!
The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine
12. Château Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Château des Moines
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine . . .
1. Nasti Spumante
California Style Trailer Trash Jokes
So as not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, and Texan
jokes, somebody had to come up with this:
You know you're from California if:
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a
conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and
is named Flower.
5. You can't remember . . is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are
grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and
8. You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
9. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
10. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the U.S.
11. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 am at Starbucks wearing a
baseball cap and sunglasses who like George Clooney really
IS George Clooney.
12. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment.
13. You can't remember . . .is pot illegal?
14. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every
newsstation: "STORM WATCH."
15. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are
all busy with their cells or pagers.
16. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an
hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents.
17. HEY!!!! Is pot really illegal????
18. Both you AND your dog have therapists, psychics, personal
trainers and cosmetic surgeons.
19. The Terminator is your governor.
20. If you drive illegally, they take your driver's license. If
you're here illegally, they want to give you one.
New Cousins, White Trash Jokes
You know your White Trash when....
You've ever scraped your elbows trying to get something out of a dumpster.
Your kids use Cheeze Whiz in place of toothpaste.
You clean fish on your ironing board.
Your favorite color is shiny.
You wish you could bend your head down as far as your dog can.
You fix slower-than-dog-shit traffic lights with a 12 gauge shotgun.
You know where to get government cheese.
Your attorney can be reached at 1-800-WIP-LASH.
Your kids are the source of school head lice epidemics.
Your kids end up on milk cartons before you notice they're missing.
Your wife thinks her thighs look thinner in Spandex.
You keep your shed more secure than your house.
You wish those nosy, pencil-pushing retards at the Division of Insurance Fraud would leave
you the hell alone.
You live in Toledo, Ohio because you want to.
You've seen someone spray their telephone with Lysol after you used it.
Your Job skills include being handy with cattle prod and knowing how to roll back an odometer.
You've ever told your wife that Jean-Claude Van Damme is a Homo.
Your kids give meaning to the term 'nose mining'.
You put Kool-Aid in baby bottles.
You keep spare Ferris wheel parts in your shed.
Your wife asks about layaway at flea markets.
Your girlfriend breaks her ankle bracelets on your rearview mirror.
Your idea of good luck is finding arm rest towels to match leopard skin slip covers.
Your Dad had a real knack for finding things at the dump that were "too damned good" to be
Your wife poses for the BEFORE pictures in miracle weight loss ads.
You've ever threatened to kill one of the neighbor kids for messing with your tackle box.
Your wife's favorite wedding present was a pair of goggles.
You think a pap smear is what daddy wipes on his jeans after a healthy sneeze.
You know which end of the chicken a possum prefers to eat first.
The sight of a Slim Jim makes your wife's mouth water.
You know how mountain oysters taste, or for that matter, you know what they are.
You think Samsonite is someone you read about in the Bible.
You'd rather watch Cops than Seinfeld.
You bought a metal detector after your kids found a quarter buried in the sofa cushions.
Your mom and dad shared everything - including a set of teeth.
Your refrigerator has a coat of auto primer on it.
Your boss has to check with the probation department before firming up reservations for the
Your contest entry on "How to Avoid the Repo Man" won you a set of jumper cables.
Your mother told a State Trooper she'd take a beathalyzer when her butt learned how to
You pay extra lot rent for the privilege of being within walking distance to the dumpster.
You crochet things for toasters and toilet paper.
You smoke fish in your trunk.
You grew up believing a woman with no teeth was gifted.
Your idea of foreplay is telling your wife she better be in bed by the time you count to 4.
Your boss invited you to go hunting when he found out you could make duck calls with your
One of your relatives went bankrupt after winning the lottery.
Your husband remembers you bra size since it's the same as his IQ.
You get discount coupons from the abortion clinic.
Your husband uses engine degreaser in place of shampoo.
You buy teeth through the mail.
You have to cut the feet off your panty hose so you can get them over your ankles.
Your sister runs a dating service on her CB called Trucker Tail.
Your car seat covers used to be a chenille bedspread.
You've ever been tempted to make a night crawler chip dip.
Your local laundromat doubles as your day care center.
You figure you're entitled to use 7-Eleven as your business address since you use the pay
phone and restroom there.
Your first training bra came from GoodWill and had cups the size of basketball hoops.
You've tried to get credit with your sweepstakes finalist notifications.
Your dad always thought that having more than one toothbrush in the house was a waist of
Your kids take empty beer bottles to school for Show-and-Tell.
Your boss keeps a bail bondsman on the payroll - just in case.
You've ever had to fish one of your wife's favorite shoes out of the septic tank.
You think a mammogram is that funny little picture they're putting on credit cards now.
Your kids think Hamburger Helper is one of the major food groups.
You ever taken a six pack to a graveside service.
Your wife says she'd dust more often if you bought her a leaf blower.
You went ahead and ordered that lackhead remover since it came with a free potato peeler.
Your wife fixes the dents in her car with STOP sign and spot welder.
Your kids supply the neighborhood with WILL WORK FOR FOOD signs.
You've ever been assaulted with a toilet seat.
Your kids have to call a 1-900 phone sex number if they need to reach you at work.
You store an emergency six-pack in the toliet tank.
Your dashboard doubles as a religious shrine.
Your husband's idea of an extended orgasm is holding back until he gets his zipper down.